New Year

Just the other night new year whispered in my ear, "I should be better than previous one."It kept murmuring: If you're gonna try to be better in all aspects, so wish me to others with the same message- if not, forget it all. Just go to bed and ski in dreams; there is nothing new in me ever but in you always. Whether I come with the new sun or not... If it comes in your will to be beyond who you are with every new dawn, I authorize you to wish me to the world a Happy New Year"
Lastly new year's eve said to me winking,
                         "I am just a calendar
                           It is mankind who
                           Can design me
                           Or make me blunder"  😉

How tiring is to wait for official guest at the arrivals in port and he is not showing up even after an hour having landed. Especially when one is awake of the whole night and it's almost dawn moment. Ice on the cake I was not solitary looker there. It was a couple of enormous queues who were anxiously looking forward to hugging their belongings.

My slumbering eyes kept gaping at an old man embracing his offspring so tightly with beautiful whispers and endless un-dropped tears. He had just received his universe a while ago there. My mind and heart got started to forget my tired body and sleepless fatigued mind. How true the feeling was! How could it be exclaimed? How unprecedentedly  it all happened, I could just easily get up to the highest feeling of affection from a father's side for his world (son and daughter). How lucky I was to enjoy the moment among rest of all who had missed the drop of tear that shaded from his old aged man.

All of a sudden the door of my life before Nov 2014 swung open and he appeared right there in front of me with an honest smile complaining why I was out of home the whole night to just receive a guest without taking permission from him. It seemed I just went closer to shelter and embraced him sobbing and murmuring where he had been for years without any notifications-no calls, no miss calls, no shouts, no scolds, no restrictions, no no no ... everything had been just no.

Having rubbed my wet eyes which just went on following that man and his boy and baby until they got vanished.

 All was okay except for a thought I had a hero in my life and I call him dad. Yes my dad, a true guide, teacher, helper, friend, motivation and life's engine.

Had I known he would betray me and leave me in the lurch forever, I would never have lost the opportunity to put his feet over my head, to be slapped by him more and more, to be scolded and advised by him to be courageous, bold, struggler and brave like him. I would definitely have kissed his feet to make him feel "See dad, you are my true world, you are everything for me and I cannot afford you to let your shadow go because I am lonely under the world's scorching beams."

 Someone from Germany suddenly appeared and motioned me that she had recognized the play card where it was written, "Welcome to CEJ IBA Karachi." Eventually I just had to get back and forget what it all happened. Yet again now, that moment compelled me to jot down my words in here. Maybe some reads or not but heart is relaxed and no  more pain is there to be healed. How tricky it is to let pain stay away by writing it on paper...

Let the thoughts go past you. They ought never to stay and stand by you. You are the one and only to cure you, to tackle all these miseries.

What if u keep thinking? What if you entangle yourself in the limits of your brain? What if you think about those who do not do so for you? This is all just good for nothing. No one is going to come across your plights. Don't you be miserable because there is no use of crying over split milk.

Just get out of your brain's thoughts  and the hangover. Stand up and show off the coming folks you have a big and flexible heart for them if they approach you.

And yeah! When you observe someone pertaining to your kiths and kin or not is just knocking you, go ahead-unlock the door of ego and step your foot forward right before that one who is just there for you. Shake hand and embrace with full of love. Forget all past occurences buddy! Let bygone be bygone. Never let your thoughts dominate you. You are the sailor of your life's boat. Just sail it to nail it.

Thousands of thoughts have one solution. This is your heart if it keeps moving forward which is possible only if you just ignore your past's thoughts and let it all go.

Oh girl!

Another Eid swings open. I am still all alone. Isolation is at its peak. People are here and  some folks are there too. Nevertheless the heart hears one is knocking the door but how pity it is unable to open the door because of mind's deterrence.

Eid wishes are sent and received as it is going on this time too; but no one knows around me except you that I am happy, apparently. Few moments ago a holy month, an auspicious month has just left me in the lurch letting me think I could not pray for who I just want as my betterhalf  except for what I want in my surroundings. How could this be that one is not here with me. Will it be possible that appear as I just see up above the clouds in the sky to sight the moon.

The whole previous month did not let me feel you as I am feeling now the absence of yours even you have never been with me. I am missing you even you have never acknowledged me. I am thinking you even you are unaware of me and my soul.

Having closed my eyes I just find you coming just opposite me in the same blue scarf when I had a glimpse at you while you were talking to your mate ignoring my presence. Lest I should die, you just ask me once. Lest I should  cry, just let me utter those three words that you never heard me saying. How restless now I am comparatively I was ever for you. How tensed the journey has been so far. So far you are but closer than that of my breath even, nearer than my roman nose even.

Whatever you have got to do, choose and decide, it's none of my business oh girl! Just wish me this Eid to let me enjoy it as Eid. Can you just do it for me or not for me but for the sake of Almighty who made us meet together once. I wish oh girl! You would wish me "Happy Eid. 💗

(Dedicated to someone special who has no idea how special she is!)

سوجانے دو!

آنکھ کھلتے ہی جانب چھت نظر جو گئی، معلوم ہوا کہ کچھ بدلا ہی نہیں، جس حال میں سویا تھا، اس ہی حال میں اٹھا ہوں۔ کچھ تو بدلا ہوتا۔ خوابِ آرزوؤں میں ڈوبتے ہوے کافی محلات سجاۓ تھے کہ نیند کے پرے بہت کچھ ہے۔۔۔ پر پنکھے کے پر اسی طرح گھوم رہے  کہ انکو با آسانی گنا جاسکتا ہو۔

 دیوار پر لگا ادھڑا ہوا سا کلر تھوڑا اور جھڑ گیا تھا۔ گویا بندہ ناچیز کو یہ باور کروانا مقصود ہو کہ آپ بھی کچھ جھڑے اور مرجھاۓ معلوم ہورہے ہیں۔

 برابر رکھے گلاس پر نظر پڑی تو وہ بھی آدھا خالی ہی پڑا تھا پر آدھی رات کی پیاس بجھانے کو کافی تھا۔

دائیں جانب کروٹ بدل کر ابھی آنکھ بند ہی کی تھی کہ اپنے موبائل کا خیال آیا کہ اب تک تو چارج ہو ہی گیا ہوگا۔ ناچاہتے ہوے بھی بستر چھوڑنا پڑا۔ واپس آیا توسوچا نوٹیفیکیشن ہی چیک کرلوں۔

 کچھ دیر سرفنگ کے بعد سوچا میں جاگ کیوں رہا ہوں؟ صبح  ہونے میں خاصا وقت پڑا ہے۔ تب تک سو ہی جاتا ہوں۔ کم از کم نیند تو پوری ہوگی۔ 

آنکھ بند کر کہ ابھی دائیں کروٹ لیٹا ہی تھا کہ ایک خیال آیا جو زندگی میں وقتی طور پر  ایک تہلکہ سا لے آیا۔۔۔

زندگی میں ایک ایورج شخص نسبتاًً ٥٠ سال یا ٦٠ سال جیتا ہے۔ جسمیں سالانہ ٣٦٥ دن عنایت کیےٓ جاتے ہیں ۔

ہر ایک یوم ٢٤ گھنٹوں پر مشتمل ہوتا ہے۔ جنکا ٦٠ سال کا تخمینہ لگایا جاۓ تو یہ ٥٢٥٦٠٠ گھنٹے بنتے ہیں۔

ہر گزرتا ہوا ایک گھنٹہ ہمارے لیۓ ایک نصیحت لاتا ہے کہ جو پچھلے پہر لاحاصل رہا اسے اس پہر حاصل کرلو۔ جو حاصل نہ ہوپایا اسکو چھوڑ کرا اس سے بڑھ کر بھی بہت کچھ حاصل کیاجاسکتا یے۔

یہ سوچتے سوچتے اچانک ایک خیال نے پھر سے دستک دی۔ 

میں اب تک اپنے پورے دو گھنٹے ان ہیں نامکمل سوچوں میں زایع کر چکاتھا۔

سوچوں میں گم جو آنکھ لگی تو پھر چار بار الارم کے اٹھانے سے بھی ناکھلی ۔ 

اگر صبح بجلی نہ جاتی تو شاید میری صبح نون میں ہوتی۔

انگڑائی اور جمائی کے ساتھ اٹھتے ہووے گلاس پر نظر پڑی جس میں اب پانی ختم ہوچکا تھا۔ سامنے دیوار کو دیکھا تو وہ اور مرجھی ہوئی معلوم ہو رہی تھی۔ اور پنکھا بلکل ایسے رکا ہوا تھا کہ گویا کبھی چلا ہی نہ ہو۔

جب انسان اپنی زندگی کے اڑھائی ملین گھنٹوں میں سے تقریباً ایک ملین صرف سوکر راکھ کردے تو واقعی پھر کچھ نہیں بدلتا۔ نہ تو دیواریں، نہ پنکھے کی رفتاریں۔ اور خالی گلاس خالی ہی رہتا ہے۔

دستک

پچھلی رات کی ہی بات ہے، کوشش کرتے کرتے نیند آ ہی گئ پر نہ جانے کہیں گم سی معلوم ہو رہی تھی۔ خیر دیر آۓ درست آۓ,  پر درست ہی تو نہ آۓ۔  کافی سوچ لینے کے بعد نتیجہ جو نکلا  وہ نیند کے آجانے کے بعد خواب بن کر خواب تک ہی محدود رہا۔

نیند تو آگئ تھی پر ابھی تو دیوار پر لگی گھڑی کا سیاہ ہاتھ ٣ کے ہندسے پر ایسے براجمان تھا کہ گویا ایک شک کا پہلو جاگ اٹھا, خواہ بیٹری خراب تو نہیں ہوگئ۔ 

ابھی صبح کے ٤ ہی بجے تھے کے دروازے پر اچانک سے دستک ہوئی۔ 

دل بہت تیز اور تیز ریپڈ بس کی سی رفتار سے دوڑنے لگا۔ 

پھر آہستہ آہستہ دستک تیز ہوتی گئی اور رفتارِ دھڑکن بھی اس سے مقابلے پر اتر آئی۔ 

 کچھ آنسو پھوٹ پڑے آنکھوں سے تو معلوم یوں ہوا کہ اگر کوئی بنی نوع انسان دل کے دروازے پر ستک دے تو دروازہ  کھول کر پچھتانا یا پھر نہ کھول کر گنوانا اتنا سوچ کر دل کو کیا دھڑکانا۔

 بس تھوڑا رو لینے سے دل کا بوجھ ہلکا ہوجاۓ اور کیا چاہۓ اس دلِ ناداں کو۔ دل کے مسائل کا یہ منفرد حل بس میں نے بھی گزری رات کو ہی جانا ہے۔

 باتیں، یادیں، ملاقاتیں، خواہشیں اور غرض سب کچھ کے ساتھ اب نہیں چلنا 

تھوڑے آنسو کے ساتھ جی لینا کافی ہے۔ 

اتنا کبھی اتوار کی دو پہر تک سوتے رہنے کے بعد بھی میں نے تازگی محسوس نہیں کی ہوگی جتنا بس آنکھوں میں کچھ وقت کے لیۓ نمی لانے سے محسوس ہوئی۔

My vote was for, now no more.

I still cannot forget the last local body elections in Karachi when almost every inked thumb was posted on social media to spread a message of devotion and loyalty after casting the votes during the polling session. I could read, “My vote is for Bhai” consecutively. There was a barrel of ethnic sentiments or fog of blindness.

I happened to write an article “Blind Following” having thought bitter of that tragedy. A kind of ethnic feeling tried to provoke me not to write or say the fact.  Whereupon I just had a look at the past to review and have a second glimpse at my mind’s inner rebellion.

From APMSO to MQM, then to two bodies: Mahajir QM and Muttahida QM, then it still confronted more divisions into PSP and MQM London to MQM Pakistan. The party is not off yet. What a journey of being split and keeping the national- Mahajirs and Karachi wala’s interest aside. Is this not a kind of a non-stop surprise when now two more splinter groups we have to suffer from. PIB versus Bahadarabad group. Lest they start clash, God forbid, but seems so through the history.

Since 1978 the origin of APMSO to 1984 founding of Mahajir Qaumi Movement it was we can say a literal display of sincerity and enthusiasm of getting the rights for Mahajirs and Urdu speakers. If they had kept up the same approach with awe for the country, this party would not be considered a mafia, foreign agent or unfaithful.

In the decade of 90s their two groups began the battle against each other. Haqiqi and MQM set the no-go areas and started disturbing and intervening the local people through checking them coming and going, interrogating as an Indian came across in Pakistan. The fierce dispute climbed up the highest steeple of humiliation and cruelty. Military took action against them and started surrounding them but the leadership of theirs was playing with them in the name of ethnicity, so they kept growing and extending. What a growing grilling-drilling era!

Had they not been divided into several groups on the basis of their own interests, Karachi would have been the biggest developed city. This cannot be called the irony of fate but tyranny.

Despite of the barbarism and increasing chaos and turmoil in the metropolitan and king city of Pakistan people went on believing them and electing them. They were not supposed to be known as blind followers. But after these all catastrophes and obvious disloyalty with the mother land, citizens would be known as the same if they do not change.

Who is going to showcase their thumb now? No one ought to. So-called innocent of this tyrant part of the land know better than the reader how far more extortions, ransoms, tortures and gangs’ activists have been on the rampage.           

This is high time. Choose a best among the worst but not among the bloody vultures-murderers. Change the people not the parties. Faces are same so what is outstanding? Amazing thing is people are still selfish or so-called innocent that they do not elevate a new one but actually a best one. They may be frightened but how long? by another 90s? 

Be intended, "My vote was for (them), but now no more."